This reminder comes in the form of a "patient statement." It's an invoice and consent form for the storage of our embryos we fertilized during our IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycle in 2009. Wow...2009. It feels so long ago yet I remember it like it was yesterday. I've been debating whether or not to blog about our struggle with infertility. I started writing about it months ago but never finished. And I'm not sure I want to post it. Part of me thinks no one would care to read about it. The other part of me thinks that maybe it would help and give hope to someone else going through the same thing. I don't know. I'm still thinking about it.
Anyways, I don't like receiving this "reminder" in the mail because it reminds me that I could have 17 (yes...SEVENTEEN embryos) more potential children. Of course Tommy and I are never going to have 17 more kids. That's what makes me sad. We are never going to be able to see all those embryos become babies, children, teenagers, and adults. On a lighter note, if we did, we could probably have our own dysfunctional reality show with that many children. Ha!
Some days I'm content with our family of four. Other days I would love to have another baby. For this reason, I couldn't imagine not paying this invoice for another year of embryo storage in case we do decide to have more kids in the future. However, it's not cheap...and our insurance doesn't cover it.
If we decided not to pay for the storage we only have two options. One, donate the 17 fertilized embryos to other infertile couples. They are half me, half Tommy. My eggs, Tommy's sperm. I'd have a hard time donating them to anyone else. Although we have thought about it before. Maybe if they were donated to someone close to us. I just don't know...it's a hard decision to make.
Option two, would be to have them disposed of. I have a really hard time imagining this option. I feel as if those 17 embryos are already my children even though they are not inside me developing. I can't just throw them away.
See the dilemma?
I am also truly grateful for this reminder. It reminds me that our one and only IVF cycle was successful when it's unsuccessful for so many other couples. It was absolutely a blessing from God. A long awaited answer to our prayer. This "reminder" reminds me that God does answer our prayers. It might takes weeks, months, or like in our case, years to be answered, but He does.
I couldn't imagine my life without these two little guys.
Whether or not more babies are in our future...well that's in God's hands.
I pray for anyone else who has also been struggling with infertility. Women don't like to talk about it (especially men). Keep the faith that God has a plan for you. If it hasn't happen for you yet, there is a reason. Your time will come.
2 comments:
This is so touching and I can't get it out of my mind. Can you set up an account with the company to take donations? I'm willing to help you brainstorm any ideas to help you raise money, and I can post this on my blog as well...if you want to. Let me know, I'm ready!
Thanks for this post. It's not something that those of us who have struggled with fertility issues get the "chance" to talk about with others very often...just not something that comes up in every day conversation. Thanks for being willing to put yourself out there. I hope it does give someone out there hope!! God answers prayers for sure in His own time and in His own way!
Laura
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