Saturday, September 22, 2012

Photo Dump

While the boys nap I thought I would dump off a whole lot of photos off my cell phone here on this blog. Here are many of my favorites...I'll post more another time/day.





















Wednesday, September 19, 2012

God's Plan: Pregnancy?

I believe I've heard the phrase "it will happen in God's time" spoken to me a couple hundred times in the past 10 years. Some days hearing that made me feel better--and other days it made me feel worse.

For so many people starting a family is a very easy task. You stop taking birth control (or stop using other forms of contraceptives), try for a few months, and WHAM, you're pregnant. That was not the case for me and my husband Tommy.

If you know me personally and know my story or if you've followed me on this poorly updated blog, then you are aware of our struggles with infertility. After seven years of 'trying' we were told by fertility specialists that our chance of ever getting pregnant naturally was less than 1%. Our only chance to have children was through in vitro fertilization (IVF). We did go through the nerve-wracking process of IVF and I gave birth to health twin boys.

Now, almost three years after Hudson and Brayden were born, and still with a less than 1% chance of getting pregnant naturally, God did a miracle. I got pregnant! Unfortunately, the same day I found out I was pregnant, I also found out I wasn't going to have a happy ending.

You see, I didn't know I was pregnant until I went to my OB/GYN for a 'problem' appointment on August 21.

*WARNING: Lots of 'girl stuff' discussed.

First, I have really debated whether or not to write a blog post about this. I'm not doing this for attention or sympathy. I felt that the Lord had been leading me to write my experience down for others to read. He wouldn't stop reminding me. In doing this I hope it may help someone else who may have gone through a similar situation and I want them to know that they are not alone.

My period was a week and a half late (yes, I still didn't think I was pregnant). Then, when it finally started, it lasted for nine days (way too long). Then it stopped. Yay! Back to normal, right? Wrong. Three days later another period started (or so I thought it was another period). Twenty-two days later of straight bleeding I finally decided to see my OB/GYN.

When I got to my doctor's office I explained my 'abnormal' cycle to her nurse. She said she wanted me to take a pregnancy test first (which is normal protocol) to rule that out. I peed in a cup and 5 minutes later she walks into the exam room and says, "you're pregnant!"

Everything happened so quickly after that. First, I'm told I'm pregnant. Then they do an ultrasound and tell me I'm not. Then I'm told I am but it's an ectopic pregnancy and nothing can be done for the baby. WOW! My head was spinning. I heard all this in a span of about 20 minutes.

My doctor figured I was about 4-5 weeks along. At first she wanted to give me the methotrexate shot to end the pregnancy but then decided to do a series of blood tests over the next few days to check my hCG levels to see if my hormone levels drop (meaning I miscarry naturally). Two weeks and four blood tests later (and still no shot) my hormone levels were dropping...but not fast enough.

During those two weeks I started to experience mild to strong cramping everyday. Two weeks to the day I found out about the pregnancy, I started having severe cramping. I called my doctor's office (which was now closed) and the on-call doctor told me to go to the emergency room immediately.

Five hours later on Sept. 5, I had emergency surgery to remove a ruptured fallopian tube and over a liter of blood from my abdomen. The growing baby inside me ruptured my tube days earlier (don't really know exactly when) and had been bleeding out into my belly ever since.

Today, almost one month after I found out I was pregnant, and two weeks after my surgery, I'm finally at peace with the news and outcome. However, the two weeks that went by knowing I had a baby growing in my fallopian tube and I couldn't do a thing to keep the baby, was really hard. I am thankful though that I didn't know I was pregnant sooner before finding out it was an ectopic pregnancy. It would have been much harder to get through.

Going through this has made me appreciate what I already have even more. My twin boys were also miracles. And I'm so thankful God blessed me with them.

I know what happened wasn't a surprise to God and He has a greater purpose for this. I really wanted that child but He's working this out for His bigger plan in my life...and He'll get greater glory for it.

"But you, O Lord, are my shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high."
(Psalm 3:3)

Praying for those of you who have also lost babies and/or struggling with infertility.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."
(Philippians 4:6)